Being in a relationship for the last three and a half years taught me that love isn’t always sunshine and rainbows and I have learned to accept that.
But unfortunately, social media paints a different picture of how relationships should be.
The use of social media can either benefit or inspire us, but it can also make us feel as if we’re not doing enough, especially when it comes to our personal love lives.
Scrolling through my TikTok and Instagram feeds, I often see posts about the gifts people give their significant others in their relationship.
These posts usually show big acts of service and a beautiful, loving gesture.
An example would be a TikTok post of boys asking a girl to be his girlfriend with a big setup in his car trunk decorated with balloons, flowers and a sign saying, “Can I be your boyfriend?”
I often catch myself asking questions like, “Why don’t I get this kind of treatment in my relationship?” or “Am I a terrible girlfriend?”
Sometimes those thoughts have saddened me, not because I don’t receive the same treatment, but because I compare my relationship to others.
I always try to remind myself that comparison is the thief of joy.
I think this is what social media, especially influencers in a relationship, shows the public: a non-problematic, perfect love life and exaggerated gestures for their partners.
I’m not saying this is a bad idea or I’m against super loving relationships. I think it’s beautiful to know that people in this generation love loudly and put in effort for their loved ones.
The problem with posts about relationships on social media is that it raises expectations and comparisons instead of encouraging people to appreciate what’s already in front of them.
This is where social media causes problems in relationships.
One person creates high expectations from what they see and when their partner can’t meet the “standards,” they walk out of the relationship with the reason that the bare minimum is not being met.
TikTok videos saying “If your man won’t, another man will” or “If they can’t give you the bare minimum, then you’re dating a child!” are examples of how relationships are affected when the relationship itself is completely fine.
The term “If they wanted to, they would,” affects me because it alters my brain into something negative.
Social media can contribute to relationship issues by intensifying emotional stress, encouraging constant comparison and amplifying personal struggles in ways that make relationship conflicts harder to resolve, according to a 2021 Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences research article.
I believe that we can’t always expect an emotionally perfect and materialistic love out of a relationship.
The impact of social media on relationships plays several significant roles, such as creating fewer conversations in real life, trust issues and distractions about who their partner might interact with online, according to a 2020 Pew Research Center study.
That’s just not how it really works in real life.
Just because we don’t constantly receive gifts, expensive flowers and consistent emotional support from our significant others doesn’t exactly mean they don’t love us.
I know that if I get into the mindset of expecting more out of my relationship, I’ll end up damaging the person there for me and ruin what loving someone is truly all about.
I’ve had several experiences in my current and past relationships. None of what is depicted on social media is real life.
Social media doesn’t tell us that relationships will be inconsistent and painful, but reminds us that if it’s true love then it shouldn’t be anything too negative.
No one on Earth will ever be perfect and we need to start realizing that us humans can only handle so much in life.
It’s good to remind ourselves that what we see in the media will forever be different from what we experience.
There are two things I learned from these experiences with real-world relationships, and it is learning how to truly forgive and accept that love will never be perfect.
